MICHAEL JACKSON TAKES LITTLE BOYS PANTZ OFF

So nothing has really been happening lately. I have been screenwriting a lot, wrote the pilot episode for my TV series "Peter Poki" which shall be airing quite soon. I tortured some small animals and fed them to hungry children, and started writitng ANOTHER bloody screenplay, "InsemInoid" and a very odd picture is shown above here. I once ate a squirrel.

Um...a book?

Now this is a true story, sort of...I was bored the other day in the summer of 06 and possibly decided maybe to write a children's book for a change, but a spooky children's book like Coraline or The Melchanholy Death of Oyster boy, something like that because those are books I enjoyed in my ears as a fetish...Uh, I mean...Fetus...(pardon for the disturbing mistake)

So, here it is, a children's book of poetry/stories:

Expert from The doors we live in and out, (these walls are killing me)
By Nick Stefanovic

SPOOKY SHUMMY
There was once a pretty girl
named Shummy Hurl,
she had a funny name
and lived in her own world
I loved so much, and yet could not say
I wept and cried for I never found the day
when I would greet her,
meet her and bring her into my life.
My heart is broken and so much...

I am not exactly sure if children would undertstand the concepts, so I have shelved the project for quit a while. Feel free to comment on this story if you would like to, holmes. (Oh you know you like it child prey :) )

Review

THE AMAZING PANDA ADVENTURE!!!!!

Oh dear God, have any of you seen that awful film? Let me tell you: whoever made that movie should burn in hell with Richard Nixon and Adolf Hitler because this film is so terrible, that it makes hippies look bad, and that's pretty bad. Now, according to Badmovies.org, they do not really have an article for this film because it is so horrible that it didn't even make it to that website.

So, I arranged one myself:

The characters
Ryan Tyler-gay voiced faggot-like child who is bound to protect panda bears...for no reason, no seriosuly, the movie just starts out with him reading some random oral report...oh yeah, they also show a pretty disturbing scene with a panda giving birth
Michael Tyler-work-a-holic like bearded guy who happens to be Ryan's father, he gets shot in the chest.
Ling-for some reason, people pernounce her name "Li" and spell it that way. Anyway, she's a Chinease girl who lives with her grandfather. She later gets naked as well as Ryan....
Grandfather-old man that talks only in Chinease, it gets pretty fucking hilarious after a while, but annoying.
Poacher #1-extremely stupid hunter who captures pandas with a cage, he doesn't really say much and eventually falls off a mountain.
Poacher #2-guy that doesn't talk. At all, no really, he's just there. No wonder Imbd didn't even credit him on the list!
Panada Bear-Baby Panda that's numerously stolen and then "rescued" even though Ryan and Ling torture it. The panda bear looks robotic. They through in the air apparently.

The Plot
In this "action-adventure" children's movie(?) a boy fulfills him dream while visiting his father in China in which they protect panadas and such. Two poachers capture a baby panda and Ryan, his dad, two Chinese people go out to rescue them.

Overall Review:
The film is terrible, the acting is dryer than dust, the action is cheesy, it's so bad it is actually laughable. There are some quite humorous parts, though. But overall it's completely terrible. A true mistake!

Things to watch out for in this movie:
*Beginning: Ok, a kid with a gay voice is telling everyone how Panadas are dying. Panadas also attacked three people and their bodies were found mauled that same year.
-He also is friends with an extremely fat kid who only comes in at the beginning, the actor isn't credited, he probably died of diabetes after he made this movie.
-Wait? I don't get it, his parents aren't even divorced and the mother is talking about an affair with some guy moawning their lawn.
-For some reason, the population of China in this movie is fifteen people...
*Middle: Ok, we meet some really messed up Chinese people, one young, the other old.
-How did the grandfather and granddaughter fall off the cart when they were completely attached to the cart in the first place?!
-Ryan is completely afraid of snakes that aren't poisonous, and that aren't even near him.
-He is also afraid of boars that aren't even headed toward his way
-They fall off a bridge on purpose, for some reason, the girl can't even friggin' swim
-These kids are what? Nine? They take off ALL their clothes in front of each other and have a 'facts of life conversation' I question the U-rating on this one, how is it a kids' movie? Someone tell me that
-Ryan has seen naked women on TV before? What the hell kind of programs is he WATCHING????
-They only supply a candy bar for food...they feed it to the panda. They're still completely naked.
-They're in this village now with new clothes and the panda, the poachers were eariler killed and stuffed in a cage...now they're back.?
-GRANDDADDY AND PAPA IS COMIN BACK!!....on a trackter that goes 1 mile an hour.
*Ending: Finally everything is ok, the poachers are killed and Ryan realizes how nice his father really is. Then, the Panda, which is actually a robot, pauses and then we see the end credits
-While the end credits are rolling, write down every name of every person who helped with this movie, then put those names on your hit list

What I learned from this movie
*If there are leeches not even close to your head and on your clothes, you take off all of your clothes, even the unharmed ones
*Making friends with fat kids is fun
*Chinease Poachers are so sober
*"There are only 1,000 panadas left in the world"
...
*BLAM*!!!
"Now there are only nine hundred ninety nine!" :)

JHNEN RULLLEESS

I am thinking about asking comic creator Jhonen Vasquez to be my mentor, or at least to help me with my career. If I am ever going to get anything published, I need a mentor.

I wish I knew what he was workin' on now.

all of your base are belong to us

Malcolm's End

a few nights ago, Malcolm in the Middle ended, it had such a sad ending in which Reese pulled out a gun and shot himself in the head. He later was reincarnated in the body of a janitor (spoilers, yes i kno)


....

THOSE BASTARDS AT FOXXXXX!!!!!! HOW COULD THEY KEEP CRAP LIKE THE WAR AT HOME, AMERICAN DAD AND NANNNY 911 AND THEN CANCEL AN ACTUALLY GOOD SHOW??!!!! What the hell???!!!!

Damn.

I wrote a script for Malcolm in the middle. The script was never finished so I never really got a chance. There goes my chance of publishing something!! DAMNITITITITDAMMITDAMMITDAMMITDAMMITFUCKDAMMITDAMMIT

WHAT WILL I DO?

Troll2

Wow, have any of you ever seen that movie? It it so bad, it's unbealivable. Troll 2 is an independent sequel to a cult-classic (yet little known) film in the eighties. God, I love digging up shit like this. Anyway, the the hell was the director on when he made this film? That's beyond me. Excuse me for my laziness but I just can't describe this film in many words but "rubbish" I wrote a review of that awful film on IMDd, which no one finds useful. uH YEAH, Mike Schulman contacted me, finally I can give him my Vladimir Peruse screenplay...


Hey, anyone know John Krisufalsi had a blog here? He's such a talented guy. Never met him, though

The Bore of myself

Uh, yeah...holy crap, now i'm wasting MY time as well.

The N Word and Michael Schulman

Hullo there people to whom speak the languege of Britons, in which I have inhabited, I would like to say a few words: VIA ET TOUT LE RESTE LA!
Yes, I know, pardon my French...literally...and I would also like to talk aboot Michael Shulman, a talented aspiring writer and director who made a wonderful documentary entitled The N Word and is currently working on a new documentary, "Without a Voice" both of the films from what I heard, are indeed important masterpieces and it is my duty to spread the word of his cinematic genius. I have also read bits of his screenplay (in which I forgot, sorry) about a man using writing as a thearpy to find himself. It looks like we have the next Terry Zwigoff or John Waters or perhaps even Stanley Krubrick here, basically a man with a hell of a lot of talent. Michael Schulman RULES!!!
I met this kind man at The TartanRoadFilm festitval when I had just watched an amazing film entitled 'Tancicle' (and I wonder who directed THAT) the music videos were coming on so I left to get something to eat and drink. In the cafteria I saw a young man, perhaps a college student, holding two screenplays and talking to some people sitting down on a couch. I began talking to him, starting off by asking,

"So, what film did you make?"

...and he responded, "The N Word" I ended up showing him my script, he liked it and he showed me his script, I LOVED IT, plus I learned that there are actually other programs other than Microsoft word (hee-hee) we talked for hours and then his friend Peter Marvillo (who made two great films, one humorous, one serious) and we were conversing aboot film and genres. One of the things I asked him was this:

"Would you ever consider making a film which showed racism....that's not a documentary?"

and he responded, "Well, it's a different expirence from just thinking up something like Crash(2004) then to interview people on the street and see their opinon on the view. It's not as complicated."

And that is one of the greatest responses I have ever heard, this young man is going to go far and I am going to email him to present a screenplay I wrote, I think he would like it...I hope he likes it

Visit his blog:

http://michaelschulman.blogspot.com

current mood: WHEEEEE!!!

Cooler Than A Bag of Funyons!

hahahahhahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahhahahahahahahhahahahahhahahahahahha
Via Et Tout La, via et tout la, VIA ET TOUT LA!!!


So, I've now finished another screenplay entitled, "Vladimir Peruse," a disturbing gothic romance similar to David Lynch's uncanny masterpiece "Eraserhead"
Like Eraserhead the film makes no sense the first run yet when you watch it a second time you see the horrific satire of real life reflection it shows so anyway, I speak French and English. And I'm British and French. wUZ UP WIDDAT? I need more Euros to make my movie, Euros good. Moose Good, devils bad. Moose Good.
Vladimir Peruse!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

and now for something completely different:
AJKJDFCHJAJFFDJFDFDJJDSJJFJDSJDKLAdjfvvuidfuckdjhfccsadfhncvhdk

Via Et Tout La

and excuse my French, Renee French that is!

Well, I have been currently working on my film, "Le Gordo" and trying to publish comix at morbidoutlook.com or gothicbeauty.com or From the dust zine...