Review
THE AMAZING PANDA ADVENTURE!!!!!
Oh dear God, have any of you seen that awful film? Let me tell you: whoever made that movie should burn in hell with Richard Nixon and Adolf Hitler because this film is so terrible, that it makes hippies look bad, and that's pretty bad. Now, according to Badmovies.org, they do not really have an article for this film because it is so horrible that it didn't even make it to that website.
So, I arranged one myself:
The characters
Ryan Tyler-gay voiced faggot-like child who is bound to protect panda bears...for no reason, no seriosuly, the movie just starts out with him reading some random oral report...oh yeah, they also show a pretty disturbing scene with a panda giving birth
Michael Tyler-work-a-holic like bearded guy who happens to be Ryan's father, he gets shot in the chest.
Ling-for some reason, people pernounce her name "Li" and spell it that way. Anyway, she's a Chinease girl who lives with her grandfather. She later gets naked as well as Ryan....
Grandfather-old man that talks only in Chinease, it gets pretty fucking hilarious after a while, but annoying.
Poacher #1-extremely stupid hunter who captures pandas with a cage, he doesn't really say much and eventually falls off a mountain.
Poacher #2-guy that doesn't talk. At all, no really, he's just there. No wonder Imbd didn't even credit him on the list!
Panada Bear-Baby Panda that's numerously stolen and then "rescued" even though Ryan and Ling torture it. The panda bear looks robotic. They through in the air apparently.
The Plot
In this "action-adventure" children's movie(?) a boy fulfills him dream while visiting his father in China in which they protect panadas and such. Two poachers capture a baby panda and Ryan, his dad, two Chinese people go out to rescue them.
Overall Review:
The film is terrible, the acting is dryer than dust, the action is cheesy, it's so bad it is actually laughable. There are some quite humorous parts, though. But overall it's completely terrible. A true mistake!
Things to watch out for in this movie:
*Beginning: Ok, a kid with a gay voice is telling everyone how Panadas are dying. Panadas also attacked three people and their bodies were found mauled that same year.
-He also is friends with an extremely fat kid who only comes in at the beginning, the actor isn't credited, he probably died of diabetes after he made this movie.
-Wait? I don't get it, his parents aren't even divorced and the mother is talking about an affair with some guy moawning their lawn.
-For some reason, the population of China in this movie is fifteen people...
*Middle: Ok, we meet some really messed up Chinese people, one young, the other old.
-How did the grandfather and granddaughter fall off the cart when they were completely attached to the cart in the first place?!
-Ryan is completely afraid of snakes that aren't poisonous, and that aren't even near him.
-He is also afraid of boars that aren't even headed toward his way
-They fall off a bridge on purpose, for some reason, the girl can't even friggin' swim
-These kids are what? Nine? They take off ALL their clothes in front of each other and have a 'facts of life conversation' I question the U-rating on this one, how is it a kids' movie? Someone tell me that
-Ryan has seen naked women on TV before? What the hell kind of programs is he WATCHING????
-They only supply a candy bar for food...they feed it to the panda. They're still completely naked.
-They're in this village now with new clothes and the panda, the poachers were eariler killed and stuffed in a cage...now they're back.?
-GRANDDADDY AND PAPA IS COMIN BACK!!....on a trackter that goes 1 mile an hour.
*Ending: Finally everything is ok, the poachers are killed and Ryan realizes how nice his father really is. Then, the Panda, which is actually a robot, pauses and then we see the end credits
-While the end credits are rolling, write down every name of every person who helped with this movie, then put those names on your hit list
What I learned from this movie
*If there are leeches not even close to your head and on your clothes, you take off all of your clothes, even the unharmed ones
*Making friends with fat kids is fun
*Chinease Poachers are so sober
*"There are only 1,000 panadas left in the world"
...
*BLAM*!!!
"Now there are only nine hundred ninety nine!" :)
Oh dear God, have any of you seen that awful film? Let me tell you: whoever made that movie should burn in hell with Richard Nixon and Adolf Hitler because this film is so terrible, that it makes hippies look bad, and that's pretty bad. Now, according to Badmovies.org, they do not really have an article for this film because it is so horrible that it didn't even make it to that website.
So, I arranged one myself:
The characters
Ryan Tyler-gay voiced faggot-like child who is bound to protect panda bears...for no reason, no seriosuly, the movie just starts out with him reading some random oral report...oh yeah, they also show a pretty disturbing scene with a panda giving birth
Michael Tyler-work-a-holic like bearded guy who happens to be Ryan's father, he gets shot in the chest.
Ling-for some reason, people pernounce her name "Li" and spell it that way. Anyway, she's a Chinease girl who lives with her grandfather. She later gets naked as well as Ryan....
Grandfather-old man that talks only in Chinease, it gets pretty fucking hilarious after a while, but annoying.
Poacher #1-extremely stupid hunter who captures pandas with a cage, he doesn't really say much and eventually falls off a mountain.
Poacher #2-guy that doesn't talk. At all, no really, he's just there. No wonder Imbd didn't even credit him on the list!
Panada Bear-Baby Panda that's numerously stolen and then "rescued" even though Ryan and Ling torture it. The panda bear looks robotic. They through in the air apparently.
The Plot
In this "action-adventure" children's movie(?) a boy fulfills him dream while visiting his father in China in which they protect panadas and such. Two poachers capture a baby panda and Ryan, his dad, two Chinese people go out to rescue them.
Overall Review:
The film is terrible, the acting is dryer than dust, the action is cheesy, it's so bad it is actually laughable. There are some quite humorous parts, though. But overall it's completely terrible. A true mistake!
Things to watch out for in this movie:
*Beginning: Ok, a kid with a gay voice is telling everyone how Panadas are dying. Panadas also attacked three people and their bodies were found mauled that same year.
-He also is friends with an extremely fat kid who only comes in at the beginning, the actor isn't credited, he probably died of diabetes after he made this movie.
-Wait? I don't get it, his parents aren't even divorced and the mother is talking about an affair with some guy moawning their lawn.
-For some reason, the population of China in this movie is fifteen people...
*Middle: Ok, we meet some really messed up Chinese people, one young, the other old.
-How did the grandfather and granddaughter fall off the cart when they were completely attached to the cart in the first place?!
-Ryan is completely afraid of snakes that aren't poisonous, and that aren't even near him.
-He is also afraid of boars that aren't even headed toward his way
-They fall off a bridge on purpose, for some reason, the girl can't even friggin' swim
-These kids are what? Nine? They take off ALL their clothes in front of each other and have a 'facts of life conversation' I question the U-rating on this one, how is it a kids' movie? Someone tell me that
-Ryan has seen naked women on TV before? What the hell kind of programs is he WATCHING????
-They only supply a candy bar for food...they feed it to the panda. They're still completely naked.
-They're in this village now with new clothes and the panda, the poachers were eariler killed and stuffed in a cage...now they're back.?
-GRANDDADDY AND PAPA IS COMIN BACK!!....on a trackter that goes 1 mile an hour.
*Ending: Finally everything is ok, the poachers are killed and Ryan realizes how nice his father really is. Then, the Panda, which is actually a robot, pauses and then we see the end credits
-While the end credits are rolling, write down every name of every person who helped with this movie, then put those names on your hit list
What I learned from this movie
*If there are leeches not even close to your head and on your clothes, you take off all of your clothes, even the unharmed ones
*Making friends with fat kids is fun
*Chinease Poachers are so sober
*"There are only 1,000 panadas left in the world"
...
*BLAM*!!!
"Now there are only nine hundred ninety nine!" :)
posted by Vyvian Blackthorne at 3:28 AM
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